Just a short update on the renovation progress. We have a wall! Even tho it’s not finished, it is a wall!

It’s been a long week and a long weekend. I’m still not well (starting to sound monotonous) but I am slowly getting there. I can talk again and the only thing that is left is the freaking cough and the chest pain. I missed my first exam because I was ill so I don’t really know when I’ll retake it. Got the other date set for my second exam tho so that’s good.

The bedroom is actually starting to look like a room xD We tore the floor out the day before yesterday and I’m working my way with the putty. In the hallway I need to put on another layer of putty I think before we can put up the easy cover on the walls. Then it’s just some nice painting to get that part done. Inside its quite more putty to be done, 2 or 3 rounds before we can put up the easy cover. Then we need to paint the ceiling, put the wallpaper up, put in the new floors and finally add strips everywhere ^^

My bed down in the storeroom is starting to call “come and get me and put me together so you can have a nice good looking comfy bed”

It has been a long week. Monday morning I started off with a visit to the local care center to check up on my throat, chest and no voice thingie. Spent around half the day there waiting in line. Really boring!  At least I got the good doctor that my kids have who is a kinsman from the southern part of the country (so he remembers me to xD) After that little “short” visit he thought that I had an inflammation in the airways so I got some meds prescribed that I picked up.

Got some schoolwork done and then me and the kids went to see my friend Sandra and her kids. When Z got home we left the kids with Sandra and went back to our place so they could do some more work on the bedroom.  At around 7.30 we called it a night and went to go eat at Sandras place and then take the kids home. There was just a small change of plan when we had finished dinner.

So far we have learned that it’s called an anaphylactic reaction. This can quick become very serious. It’s an allergic reaction to something you have either been in contact with or eaten.  It didn’t show much in the beginning, just some itching on my arms. But over the next 10 minutes my hands started to swallow and I was turning red over my hands, arms and neck/chest. So we decided to call the medical advice phone line which was a good call. They told us to get my sorry as in to the emergency asap. My mother in law drove me and by the time we got there I didn’t have much facial expressions left and I was lobster red over my hands and arms. My lips were numb and swollen so I could barley open my mouth and I was starting to have troubles breathing. Good thing I didn’t listen to Z who said we should w8 for the morning and call the local care center xD

I knew I was allergic to penicillin since before that’s why I got some other meds this time. The doctors on the emergency now believe that I might be allergic to all antibiotics. There might be a third option for me but they are very very very restrictive with giving me that. It’s something I’m getting if I’m really really ill and they can keep me under watch. They took blood samples from me and I had to take some x-rays on my lungs so they could check what kind of sick I was. All the plates showed was that whatever it was I had its getting better and no meds are needed for now.

Another thing I learned was that I could never become a drug addict in secret (not that I ever would want to either) because those cannulas they use when you get into the emergency leave HUGE bruises on me.

So back to the fun stuff! Renovation!! Small steps, but showing results. We now have all the joists up and we even got the door in place now. Today Z and father in law is going to pick up the plaster for the walls and some putty so soon we will have walls to xD

I’m missing out on my exam tomorrow since the hospital couldn’t tell me in time if I could go or not. I don’t want to infect others. But no worries, I talked with my teacher and he agreed with both the doctors and me that it was no point in going if I didn’t feel I was well enough or prepared enough. So now it is time to read up some on my physics and relax a bit so I get well soon.

Here are some more pics :D

I’m still sick and it sucks big time :S

We have been working on the bedroom a bit more this weekend and now the storage area is gone, and most of the wall to. It looks way better already and its going to be awesome when it is finally done.

Going to call it a night and have a bit of weekend to with something good to drink and some candy. Enjoy the new pictures xD

Yes it is true! I had a week slap back which means I am now a week behind on all my stuff I have to do because of some very irritating cold/flue sort of thing struck the family. Very annoying! Being sick doesn’t have a place in my calendar xD  I’m still not well but I had to catch up a bit so the day before yesterday I took some nasty beatings on the bedroom walls. Z helped me out a bit to when I got to tired. So now the walls are clean! Yay!

What we have to do now is to grind the walls so they get smooth and even, then we can tear up the floor and demolish the wall that is out to the hallway. So much fun stuff to do !!

Yesterday I had to sit down and catch up on the week set back I had in schoolwork. Went pretty nice except for the platform being down all day so I couldn’t access all the stuff I needed. But it came up again around late night xD So now I’m only like a day or two behind which is good :D

So today minion size smaller is home with me, he isn’t 100% well yet. At around 3pm we are going to pick up minion size bigger and then pick his friend up so the four of us can do some nice apple-pie baking! I say cheers for that!

ღ ♥ Happy Valentine’s Day to You All ♥ ღ

Sunday I finally got Z to help me out with some wallpaper demolition and the minions wanted to help out to. So we got a bit more done than I managed to do on my own last Saturday. The people living here before us did a really crappy job with the wallpapers, they didn’t fix holes before just putting it up, and there are cracks in the wall that they didn’t take care of. No wonder that the wallpapers started to fall down!

So now we have around half the wallpapers to tear down, then we need to grind(?) the walls before fixing the cracks and putting on some putty. After that some more grinding on the walls before we are going to tear down the wall out to the hallway.

This is how it looks now xD

Ok so this is what it looks like before I started today.

When I finaly started to tear down the wallpapers I found 7 layers, and WOW some of the wallpapers are really hideous!  Oo

I only went on for an hour because I don’t want to wear myself out (and my body was hurting since I just started to train again). Its not like we are in an hurry, tho I rather see that we finish its up soonish :)

So now it looks like this…

Last Friday I couldn’t help myself any longer. I had to start tearing down the wallpapers xD I know it was around midnight but was only a few strips that came off. I had to clear out the bedroom first so my wardrobe from childhood had to go. It got sold in an hour, and for the money from that one I bought some amazing red chairs from the 60’s that is going to look awesome in the new bedroom when its done.

We have moving boxes all over the hallway, but it’s still my xmas things so they are going to go down to the storage room soon. Now I have to clean out my own and Z’s wardrobe since we are going to tear down that wall and build a new one. More boxes for the people!

Still working on my course at uni. Took alot more time and it was a bit tougher than I expected it to be. Got updated with another result and sent a couple of new assignments in.

·          Assignment 1 – VG

·          Assignment 2 – G

·          Assignment 3 – VG

·          Assignment 4 – G


Yay me! Left for grading and to send in... 

·          Assignment 5 – Waiting for grade

·          Assignment 6 – Working Progress

·          Assignment 7 –

·          Assignment 8 –

·          Assignment 9 –

·          Assignment 10 –

Besides school Ive been spending alot more time on Aion (more than is good for me ;) ) But you gamers know how it is. So far I managed to get Izcee up to LvL 34 with 2 LvL 30 Daevan Armor pieces. Which means I also have a LvL 30 Sorc. Now only 3 more pieces for complete set.

Kids are growing like weed, and Sam is closing in on his first birthday!! My own birthday is coming up aswell and having 2 amazing friends flying in to celebrate with me! Im so looking forward to it. Miss having Pete around! And it will be soo fun to finaly meet JP!

Love to you all and big *bearhugs*

I've been slipping behind in school because of various circumstances, like my right hand has this nice and lovely blue cast that matches my eyes (don’t ask :P) but I have finally managed to get a few more assignments in and got the result back. So now the status is following

·          Assignment 1 – VG

·          Assignment 2 – G

·          Assignment 3 – VG

Yay me! Left I have

·          Assignment 4 –

·          Assignment 5 –

·          Assignment 6 –

·          Assignment 7 –

·          Assignment 8 –

·          Assignment 9 –

·          Assignment 10 –

Keep checking back for more updates on how I’m doing ;)

Sam is turning 5 months soon and I am now so bored with staying home. So I have decided to go back to the university. I started with a 15 points course in Food of all times at 50% speed.  And we are now on week 3. So far I have handed in two assignments and got back the result on one of them today. In Sweden the grading system goes like this:

-   = Your so bad so you don’t even get a grade

IG = Not approved

G = It’s ok

VG = Well done 

So anyways I got my first paper back and I got a VG which I’m very pleased with. And on top of that I got an offer to start on a second course called Food in Europe, also a 15 points course on 50% speed so now I’m a full time student with a 2½ years on daycare 20h/week and a 5 months at home.

Dance class has started as well so I really don’t know how I get the hours to add up! But it’s so good to finally start with some sort of training again. My legs and arms hurt but its definitely worth it!

That’s a short update so now you know why I haven’t been able to update here so much lately. I and Zonk are still going to the counsellor, in fact we have an appointment later today. Looking forward to it because it was a while ago we were there. I also started to go to my own shrink, cause apparently that will be good for me. Only been there one time so I really don’t know if it will do me good or not. We will just have to wait and see, right?

 Well I think it’s time for a late breakfast, so I’ll see you guys later!

So what about round two?

1 year and 1 month has passed since I found out about Zonk's second affair. This time around it was only sexual (at least he claims that, and I have to trust him on that since I have no way to know if that's true or not). Once again we had some rough times but I thought that we were getting better (Tji on me!)

2^nd of August 2008 I and Zonk's younger brother Xacko were heading for a concert in town. We were finally going to see Within Temptation! (Still having trouble to understand how the heck they managed to pull that of... since I live in a fairly small "none-townish" town) We had a great time and as we were heading home Xacko's phone rang. It was one of their other brothers, we can call him "B4", he asked Xacko if I was around which of course I was. B4 asked if I could meet up with him because he had something important to show me. Since I had been drinking I was glad as hell to meet up with B4 because I've always liked him!

When I saw B4's face I knew something was terribly wrong. My first thought was "What kind of trouble is he in; I sure hope I can help him." The first words he said to me was "Your honey isn't as sweet as you think" my brains response to that was "Here we go again!" (Though I didn't say that) He held up a cell phone and said that he could show me tons of stuff but I said no. I went home (lucky for me Oli was asleep) and yanked Zonk up from bed and he knew that I had found out. I can't recall that I was screaming at him, I think I was kind of calm (not 100% sure though) but of course tears were falling and I was heartbroken as hell. He confessed (which he didn't do round 1) showed me everything he had left (as in emails) and after I heard his side of the story I called my parents up and asked them to come get me and Oli.

Both of my parents had sadly been drinking that night so none of them could come get me (it's a 4 hour drive one way) but my darling brother hoped into the car after getting of his 12h shift. He drove 4 hours up, rested an hour while I packed our stuff into the car, drove 4 hours back and then went straight to work for another 12h shift. (Love you! You're the best brother one could have!) But now I was skipping a head for a few hours. After I made the phone call to my parents I had to call Zonk's mom because they had Oli's safety seat for the car and of course she wondered why I needed that 3 am in the morning so I just told her flat out that her son screwed up once again. She just answered "Oh no!" When we got back up to the apartment my body had enough and I just fell to the floor. I woke up a couple of hours later in my bed. Zonk had been so kind to pick me up from the floor and carry me into our bedroom.

My brother and dad came to pick us up and me and Oli spent 1 week with my parents. They took care of Oli and I kind of just walked around like a zombie. It felt like I was going to break into millions of pieces, I had trouble breathing and every time I looked at my son I could hear my heart break even more. It felt like my head was going to explode or fall of my neck cause of so many thoughts in my head. So much to decide over and now it wasn't just my own future I had to decide for. I and Zonk agreed on me coming home after a week. We asked Zonk's mom to look after Oli for the evening and if he could spend the night with them which of course was no trouble at all. Me and Oli took the train back home and Zonk and his mom and her husband came to pick us up to drive us home the final part. We dropped Oli of at his grandma and went home. Zonk didn't really know what to do so he just stood at the door. In the living room he had put roses that he bought in a vase on the table, he had spread rose petals over the whole table (very cute and romantic but very messy to clean up ;)) and he bought me candy and something to drink. He had checked with his mom if it was ok if he also spent the night at her place in case I needed to be alone but I asked him to come in. I didn't want to fight. I was torn between how much I had missed him and how much I hated what he had done. Because when you hurt as much as I did then all you want is to be hugged by the one you love and well you see the dilemma!

We had decided to go out to a restaurant so we were on neutral ground. Eat a good meal and have something to drink (it's much easier for some reason to talk and be honest and deal with emotions if you have a small amount of alcohol in your body and yes I also know that you shouldn't make any decisions when your drunk) to make it a bit easier. We sat for hours and just talked, talked about all kinds of stuff like how weird it was with a restaurant having a Chinese/French menu,  to what had happen to us, where we should go from here, talked about Oli, family and the future. When they were to close up we went home and kept talking through the night.

The next day I told Zonk I couldn't just decide "up side down" what to do. I asked if we could go to a couple counsellor/family counsellor cause no matter what this would affect Oli the most and I felt that we needed someone neutral to sort this mess out and that we both needed to find out why this happened. We got a time booked and while waiting for that day we found out that (surprise!) I was pregnant again. Could I be in a much bigger mess?

When we finally got to meet the counsellor the first thing he asked us after he heard our story was "Are you here to continue together and work on that or are you here to try and separate as friends?" Zonk answered that he wanted to know why he kept screwing up and hurting me and that he loves me and wants us to try to fix this. I really didn't know what I wanted. But I decided that i needed to at least try to fix it. I owe that much to my kids (Oli and the unborned one). Of course you shouldn't stay just because of the kids cause that doesn't work, you need to want it yourself as well and I felt that I would rather try one final time and get hurt again rather than going the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if we had tried to fix it. If things get fucked up again I can at least honestly tell my kids that mom and dad really tried everything but it just didn't work rather than just give up and take the "easy way out". And I still hadn't decided what to do with the pregnancy but I felt that with all the mess that already was around me I was in no way fit to handle an abortion. And of course the strongest reason for continuing I still loved him with all my heart!

So here we are now, 1 year and 1 month later. I gave birth to my second son Sam May 5^th 2009 and he is gorgeous! I have never ever regretted that I kept him even though there were times during the pregnancy I wondered what the hell I was doing. We are still seeing the counsellor but not as often and for those of you who still haven't figured it out yes I decided to stay with Zonk again (and yes it is ok to call me an idiot because I sometimes do that myself, and its ok to say " I told you so" if this ever happen again). Everyday life is a struggle, we have our ups and downs but I feel that we are getting better. Let's just hope Zonk feels the same!

I and Zonk are now on our 6th year together. We met in real after 2 years of gaming together and during that time we got close as friends. When we met for the first time we both felt that we had something that could be really, really good if we gave it a chance. So we started a long distance relationship and had a few rough months but as soon as I graduated I packed my stuff and moved in with him.

We stayed there for almost 2 years and during that time we had some real economical issues. We hardly talked and when we did we almost always fought over something. At the end of those 2 years I found out that Zonk had been emotionally involved with someone else (for me that's cheating/being unfaithful). The contact between them had been close and on a daily basis (probably mostly cause they also worked together) with emails, phone calls and text messages. The few emails I found was rough with detailed scenes of all kinds of "activities" and mixed in was an open contempt of me and me being home taking up their valued time for conversations.

Finding out that the person meaning the world to me went behind my back, saying those kind of things about me to another female broke me down. I had in early years picked up the bad behavior of cutting myself when I was sad and this time there were no change. I cut my arms, legs, stomach,  you name it! Everywhere I could find an open area on my body I went lose on it. The ambulance staff had to bring me in to the psychiatric emergency where I had to deal with all my issues.

I really didn't know what to do after that but decided to stick around to see how I felt and if I wanted to continue with Zonk. Short after I found out that I was pregnant and we decided to keep it, give us a second chance and move to start on a fresh basis where there were no bad memories. It was a rough couple of months where I couldn't stand Zonk seeing me naked or even change clothes or take a shower. If he happened to touch me I shrank back and backed up and walked away. (A side note is that since I found out about my pregnancy I have NEVER EVER cut myself again! I would never do that to my kids!) We bought an apartment close to family and after we moved the economy got better (not great but at least better).

During the pregnancy we started to get to know each other again and on January 4^th 2007 I gave birth to my son Oli. Finally life was starting to feel good again!

It all started x couple of years ago when I was introduced to a mmorpg called Achaea. The game is built up like our real life containing war, politics, love etc. but with the characteristics of a fantasy game.

Izcee was a lost little shaman who after a while got introduced to a serpent called Nekojin Moonflair. As time went by they fell in love and decided to get married. They both agreed on that they wanted a new family name for their upcoming family. Both parts had their suggestions but they ended up with a family name consisting of 50/50 Izcee's suggestions and 50/50 Nekojin's suggestion, Silver and Wood hence Silverwood!  I don't have the time or dedication that is needed for the game so I had to stop playing, but I log Izcee in now and then to check up on my growing family. Over the years its grown quite big and for those that are interested there will later on be a family tree to look at.

Now you can find Izcee Silverwood in lots of other games, all kinds of races and professions but lately she is mostly known as, like Omai Jusmai Luk aka. Bill says, a kick ass monk! I will later update with a list of games where Izcee is at least semi active but for now you will find her on Guild Wars, Ether Saga Online or Age of Conan. If you need any help on Guild Wars just give me a shout and I will see what I can do.

Meeting Zonk was the beginning of a new Silverwood family that now reaches out of the gaming world and in to the real one. After 2 years of gaming together we got the opportunity to meet IR, but that's another chapter of the story ;)

Now when I'm done with the creds to Pauline it's time to give you a small introduction of myself. Most of the people probably know me by the name Izcee Silverwood and that's the name I have been hiding behind these past 7 years online. I've been a gamer for so long now that I stopped counting the years (sounds like I'm 105 or something :p) and just recently I've evolved into a gamermom.

I'm getting closer to the first quarter of life and have like most people done lots of good stuff and tons of stupid stuff throughout the years, though my so called "grownup life" or adulthood started for real when I met Zonk (or Zonkie). We are on our 6^th year together and been through a lot, most important our two little minions that goes by the nicknames Oli (2 years and 7 months old ) and Sam (3 months old).

Even though I spend a lot of time online I've managed to stay away from the blog hysteria until now but I feel the time has come for me to find a new ventilation hole and I think I'm going to give this a try. The blog will contain stuff from my everyday life with the family, my gaming and probably the most important part of why I'm doing this; all my thoughts and confusions about how you get back to your everyday normal life after you find out that your one and only love has been unfaithful and cheating on you. There will be no sort of neutrality at all, only my side of the story, only my thoughts and how I feel about it.

Well enough is enough, this will have to do for now!  Please keep in mind that English isn't my native language so my spelling might suck ;)

Love,